Weary Heart

1243

I’m weary my friend for my travels have been long. I’m tired of the endless forks in the road and the seemingly endless paths in the forest of love which have all led to nowhere. I’m tired of the the wrong turns which are too many to count. The trail that I could walk with you seems filled with hope, beautiful, wonderful and peaceful but will require too much of me, for I am broken. I have holes which have been carved from worries, fears, and lack of love. The wounds I carry have not yet been healed, and I long for the magician who can fill the holes with the tender love my aching heart desires. Clearly no amount of wishing will make the fairy tale romance that I desire come alive.

I was going ninety in a sixty five when I recklessly abandoned myself for a moment, but shot back into reality quickly to review the situation. The distance, the miles that separate and my deepest desires and my innermost fears, unable to transform myself I have chosen not to take that route. It’s easy to get carried away in the moment when wrapped up in a great feeling, when you just click with someone it’s easy to forget the barriers that stand in the way. Planes, trains and automobiles are easy but I’ve had to ask myself if this is what I truly desire. Do I want to settle for this? The answer is no I don’t, I am not ready to embark on this journey with such large obstacles in my way. The failure of my recent past only serves to reinforce my fears. Try as I may to get rid of this feeling I still have the bad taste in my mouth from that last misadventure. No amount of cleansing has helped to rid me of the unsavory flavor. I prefer the taste of crow.

What a beautiful fairy tale we could have written, as I stand faithfully by your side dedicated to you and wanting nothing but you by my side, but I am tired and have grown weary. I cannot lie about my selfish wants to be desired and my need to have and to hold. You are handsome, wonderful and everything that I’ve ever dreamed of but my friend I am simply unable to do it with you. Perhaps we will make love in our dreams which is where you can have the parts of me that you desire the most. Here you can have me as I wish I were too.

Be still my beating heart because this is where I surrender and say goodbye.

"But it was just my 'magination, once again.
Running away with me.
Tell you it was just my 'magination,
Running away with me."

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s